I Was Almost A Dead Man

I almost died this morning. I was driving along Highway 6 about 7:30 on my way to work. Listening to the radio, minding my own business. Suddenly, the F150 ahead of me slams on his brakes. I mash mine to the floor, and I quickly figure out that I’m just not going to stop in time to avoid an unplanned and likely unpleasant meeting with his rear bumper. I swerve over into the right-hand lane, where I immediately notice some kind of station-wagon looking thing, I think it’s maybe one of those Volvos, sitting at a 45 degree angle in the lane ahead. A suburban is parked on the shoulder almost next to the Volvo. Now panic sets in. I quickly move back into the left lane and towards the shoulder. Luckily by this time, the F150 has moved past the impromptu roadblock and I slow down enough to avoid hitting him.

As we roll past the Volvo, which doesn’t even have its hazard lights blinking, I see the problem out of the corner of my eye. Two beagles are in the median. These idiots have stopped in the middle of a highway where traffic is running 75 mph to save two stupid dogs.

Good lord, they’re only beagles. They won’t even dent your bumper. It’s like running over an armadillo, except without that little thump when they jump right as they pass between your tires.

Why these folks thought that risking their lives and mine for dogs is beyond me, but it goes to show that some folks just aren’t real good at making cost/benefit analyses. If I was a fighting man, I might have pulled over and have a come-to-Jesus meeting with that jackass in the Volvo.

But given that he/she was stupid enough to stop in the middle of the road for a dog, I guess it wouldn’t have done much good.